(Written December 20, 2017)
After a truly difficult year, in October of 2017, I made a conscious decision to change my mindset, and alter my future by making a difference in my present.
I decided to work on my choices, work on my decision-making, work on changing my negative thought patterns- thereby altering my brainwaves to produce a more positive way of being.
I threw my hat into the ring when it came to the concepts of The Secret. That whole Law of Attraction (LOA) thing was mine to master.
I would see for myself, if I put all my energy towards one goal, how my life would change.
Subliminal tapes, neural pulse beats, positive thoughts and affirmations, guided meditations, self-hypnosis, boundless gratitude.
The Secret says to choose a goal. Focus on it. Picture it like it’s already in your possession.
Don’t worry about the ‘How’ which will bring these things to pass, just concentrate on the ‘Now.’
Nothing is too far out of reach. If you can imagine it- it is yours to have.
Since husband and I were struggling big time in the financial arena; I had in mind that this would be my goal.
According to The Secret, if you want money, picture money coming to you. Think on it everyday. Picture opening envelopes with checks made out in your name, or cash coming to you from unknown sources.
So I did. Intensely. For several weeks, from the time I woke up in the morning, to the time I laid my head down to rest at night.
I was determined to make this work for me.
But after a few intense weeks of this, I started to get a strange, nagging feeling that something wasn’t right. That I was forcing an outcome that maybe shouldn’t be forced.
It was at that point that I backed off completely. It left me to wonder if this was my old brain wave patterns trying to sabotage any change and growth for its already comfortable existence, or was this a sign that maybe this was something not to be dabbled in.
Whatever it was, I decided to leave it be and revisit this concept perhaps in the new year with a fresh start.
As the holidays rolled in and our finances were tighter than ever, we, [husband and I], picked up extra hours at work and continued to live a minimal existence.
Life in SoCal is not easy with rents and cost of living among the highest in the nation, and take-
home wages so low, we continued to barely scrape by, living paycheck to paycheck. All we did was work and pay bills.
We just accepted that this was our lot in life, and if The Secret worked for multitudes of individuals, they must have a better belief system than I.
Where I stopped short, they must have dug in deep and persevered.
Maybe I was a quitter or needed to find that one option that will work for me.
Maybe this one wasn’t ‘IT.’
Two weeks before Christmas, on what should have been our oldest son’s 25th birthday, we were informed by the police at 3 AM in the morning, that he had been killed in an automobile accident.
When you think your life is not so great, it is humbling to know it can always get worse.
Devastated beyond reason, we lived out every parents worst nightmare.
We became the poster children for those that cannot claw their way out of a hole no matter how hard they try.
As the police continued to investigate the accident, we numbly began to pick up the shattered pieces of our lives.
A week later, at the memorial service for our beloved son, those envelopes that I had so carefully envisioned a couple short months prior, began to pour in. Envelopes with checks in our names or cash outright, in the form of sympathy cards or condolence letters.
I could barely look at them without a sick feeling in my stomach.
That saying, ‘Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it,’ is ever present in my mind.
I have not stopped being grateful. If it was not for the generosity of others, there would have been no way we could have paid for the funerary costs for our son.
But there is not one fiber of my being that would not trade every last penny I have to go back to the way things were when I thought life was difficult before.
Now, all the positive thoughts in the world can only bring my son back in memories.
While his struggles are over, we have new struggles beginning. How to move on after being a family of four to a family of three?
I think now that maybe that still small voice in the back of my head telling me to stop, wasn’t my brain trying to self-sabotage my growth but instead was a warning to be heeded.
When you mess with forces that cannot be controlled or are left wide open to interpretation, one should tread lightly and be wary. I do not say this because, The Secret, does not work…but because it does. When you are told, ‘don’t worry about the ‘How,’…worry. Give it lots of thought because nothing should ever be left to chance.
Always keep in mind, the world we live in is one of duality that requires a balance of power.
It is not good OR bad, night OR day, light OR dark- it’s all of them together.
Good AND bad. Light AND dark. Ebb AND Flow. Yin And Yang. One doesn’t exist without the other.
It’s good to focus on positivity but to do so without knowing that there is a negative in the equation upsets a natural balance in life.
It’s not bad to raise your vibrational awareness by concentrating on uplifting thoughts, but to do so without acknowledging your shadow side will knock you for a loop when it raises its darkened head- and it will.
Practitioners of The Secret will probably lambast me saying I have it all wrong, I do not understand how LOA works, I must have done something horribly wrong, and maybe they’d be right.
There have been times in my life when I unwittingly tapped into some power of positive thinking, where I had focused so much on a task at hand, lost in the project, that at some point it hit a high note and everything fell into place with ease.
When things are as they should be, it’s easy. But to continuously work at or on something, forcing the ‘easy’, seems oxymoronic.
If you have to work hard to make something easy, is it really easy??
If you have to work hard at being positive, is it really positive work???
Fake it ‘til you make it can only carry you so far, and while practice does make perfect for tangible tasks on hand, there is a still small voice in me that says the authors of The Secret and all those other LOA books are making more money off of the desperation of people desiring a better life for themselves, or those thinking only published writers hold the key to unlocking ‘your best life’, not realizing it’s their own hard earned money fueling the fire and lining the pockets of those who have claimed, do this and you too can have Everything your heart desires.
Because they have made so much money off Les Innocentes, of course they can tout the benefits of their work. After all, it worked for them.
It took the grievous loss of our son to question not the validity of the LOA, but the reasoning behind it in the first place.
While my belief in God never wavered, I didn’t rely on His teaching the way I should have.
It wasn’t my faith that was lacking, but my Trust. I went my own way and paid a high price for it.
That firm nudging telling me to Stop, was not my ego or comfortable brain patterns challenging new growth. It was The Holy Spirit saying, Please, Stop. You are a child of God and have only to remember who holds your heart in His hands that will see you through this.
Suffering is unfortunately a part of living but it doesn’t have to be done alone.
Everywhere you look, someone is available to reach out and help.
There is no work involved in developing a relationship with the Creator of the Universe.
The Lord didn’t cause the accident that took my son’s life, nor did my not so positive thinking do it either.
But it’s interesting to note, it wasn’t the people in of The Secret that flocked to our sides during our greatest time of need.
Should all my Secret desires come to fruition but none of them included Christ, then it would be all for nothing anyway.
That is a hard lesson to learn.
And like the numerous stories of lotto winners whose windfall brought nothing but misery, unless your Secret desire was to have a strong support system in place when life’s challenges come your way- and they will- it will be cold comfort to say, The Secret gave me everything I ever wanted, and yet… I still have nothing.