Day 26- Default Settings

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How do you react in the face of adversity?

It seems that we all handle situations the way we were taught to or the way that was modeled for us. This then becomes our default mode.

If we had good role models, we handle life’s grievances in a healthy, positive way.

I did not have good role models.
My mother was the sole decision maker of the home. She also happened to be an overly reactive and highly dramatic woman who suffered from bouts of anger and depression. So, basically, her handling of situations would be a highly stressful, anger inducing, tear and fear filled event, for just about everything that would come our way. Such was our lives.

I have mentioned before about my introverted nature, which means, I for the most part, do not give into hysterics and tears and shouting.
I cap those emotional babies up good and tight. That’s not to say that one day I won’t explode under pressure. I might.
That is also not to say it is a healthy way to be…I’m quite sure it isn’t.

But even though I manage to keep the drama demons at bay, I can’t seem to quell the fear that follows in their wake.

I am a very fearful person.
I fear the unknown.
I fear the things I do know.

After all the tribulations I have dealt with in my life, this is one constant that doesn’t seem to change.

Confronting much of these things is a challenge that uses up much needed energy, so instead, I co-exist with it until the anxiety I have, bubbles over into my waking life and results in some new illness or dis-ease.

I don’t play the what if game with myself. What if I had better role models? What if I had different parents? What if , what if, what if?

Instead, I look for answers. But like it says on page one of my blog- some questions don’t have answers.

How do you reset the default system that was installed from childhood?

How do you break out of your self contained prison?

How do you change the worn out system of your life?

I’m still searching.

What are your default settings? and if you have found a way to reprogram them, I would sure like to know, as it is one of the ways I am looking to improve myself.

One thought on “Day 26- Default Settings

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