Ever since I could remember, even as a child, I have always taken an ‘observer’s’ standpoint on my life. With a sense of emotional detachment, born from a difficult childhood filled with alcoholism, incest and abuse, I was the one watching from the shadows.
Maybe that is the reason I am so fascinated by life, science and human existence. The behaviors people exhibit and the actions they take, interest me to no end, as I try to figure out what makes them tick and why.
Belief systems and the things people do to justify them are more than a curiosity to me, they are a puzzle that needs to be solved.
The way nature operates with, around and in spite of us, gives me pause to consider a higher meaning and purpose to an otherwise mundane world.
Rags to riches stories, paranormal, the unexplained, and me. Ever the Watcher, always the outsider. As a professed Introvert, I acknowledge and accept myself the way I am.
This wasn’t always the case.
As someone on the outside looking in, just on the periphery, I am best described as the notes in the margins.
I question everything and everyone, to the point that makes others uncomfortable, and then I question some more.
For a lifetime, I have tried to make myself fit into areas I was not meant to be.
For a lifetime, I have tried to find where I belong, and, for a lifetime, I have felt that restless longing for something I felt was missing in my life and inside of me.
Now, as I am closing out my fourth decade, I have come to realize my restless spirit, once viewed as a curse, is actually a gift in disguise. My gift.
This is what keeps me motivated. This is what gives my life meaning. I am not missing anything!
I am intensely curious and this keeps me searching for answers. This is who I am.
Now, that I have finally accepted and embraced my uniqueness, things are falling into place…in this lifetime, I have made my peace with it.
Maybe, just maybe, what I have been searching for all this time, was within me after all.