This week is all about Focus. If someone were to ask me what is your number one, all time problem area that you can’t seem to whip into line no matter how much you try, for me–this would be it.
This is my achilles heel. This is why I am almost 50 years old and working in a deli. This is why I am soft around all my edges instead of possessing the body of Wonder Woman. (which btw, is my birthday goal for 50. I have 5 mos to make this happen) This is also why so many of my goals have fallen by the wayside. Not because I don’t have the discipline to make it happen but because I lack the focus needed to keep me on the right path.
I joke that my focus is more like buckshot. Aiming in one direction then scattering in the wind. Sometimes I hit the mark, most of the time I am in the general vicinity. Sometimes I go wide and can’t seem to find my way back for nothing.
I have learned that I am not the type of person that can bring my focus in with laser-like precision and I am okay with that.
Some people cannot be pigeonholed into a standard set by someone else.
Instead of browbeating others to follow the rules, maybe they should be supportive of those creative minds that operate on a different level, or many levels for that matter at any given time.
It has taken me almost 5 decades to come to terms with my scatter-brained ways, and maybe that is how I am meant to be. For me, I extend an extra dose of grace to myself and accept that I am not someone else’s standard. I can multitask, but not well. I can focus somewhat but not for long.
I spread my feelers in different directions and spend time on the things that come back to me.
As much as I would like to have the inner fortitude of a steel bear trap, clasping onto ideas and meaningful tasks with a vise grip, refusing to yield until everything is done, at 50 years of age, I am just not there yet, and at this point, does that even matter?
This week’s homework was to answer the following questions:
Do you find you generate so many new ideas you never get started on one?
Nope. I start them all. I’m good at starting things. (stories, crafts, sh#t)
Are you easily distracted during the day and feel you never complete anything?
Yes. I am easily distracted but I still get my work done, during the day. As for personal stuff, that’s different. I seem to hit stumbling block after stumbling block and after a time, some things get finished…others don’t. I don’t think I am alone in this.
Pick one project of goal this week to focus on.
This week I will focus on:
Finishing one painting from week 5.
I have managed to meditate for up to 15 minutes at least once, if not twice daily, every day this past week. I am going to continue this practice to see how long I can keep it up for and if I get better at it.
So far, for every 15 minutes spent in quiet solitude, I experience maybe, 20-30 seconds (that’s being generous), of peacefulness. It does leave me wondering...Is that it? But hey, we all have to start somewhere.